Conversation about Doping

Me: I was reading this thing on Human Growth Hormone and how it makes your forehead big. Crazy!

Former Racer Dude: Yeah but that stuff works really well.

Me: Huh? For foreheads or for cycling?

FRD: Cycling. Trust me. It works really well.

Me: Are you, like, trying to say you know from your own personal experience or something?

FRD: I can neither confirm nor deny.

Me: Sounds like a yes. You gotta be kidding.

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Warning: I am about to preach and moralize and give you flashbacks of the Reagans' war on drugs (thanks for the correction Tuffy!)...

For you non-cyclists, Human Growth Hormone (HGH) is a substance that some cyclists use to boost recovery. It's illegal, but it's hard to test for it, and apparently it's one of the easier performance-enhancing drugs to obtain.

Most things in life involve a tradeoff. In this case, the tradeoff seems poor at best. HGH doesn't guarantee a victory or even a pro contract. But it does guarantee interference with your body's natural processes and productions, the ramifications of which last long after you've retired from hill repeats in the pouring rain, endless trainer sessions, and your love-hate relationship with the foam roller. When you start taking HGH, your body stops making it on its own, and you've basically messed up your body's whole hormonal system. You can't take anything to put it back on track.

And to top it all off, you won't even sound cool when you tell girls about how you took HGH!