Ma's Phone Calls: A Categorical Guide

Category #1: The "Hi Sweetie!!!!"

-Mostly attributable to phone calls on Friday evenings, when Sal tends have friends over and wine is consumed.

-Generally means that whatever topic I bring up is met with resounding approval.

-Thus is good for breaking news, e.g. "I have a new boyfriend! He is moving in! Yes into my same little apartment! It's going to be great!" (side note: I was/am right about that)

Category #2: The Lecture

-Typically these calls do NOT start with an enthusiastic "hi sweetie"

-Topics include: thank you notes I haven't written, cousin's new baby I haven't visited, other cousin who I should be nicer to, sister who I should be nicer to even though she is a little brat, races and training I shouldn't do since I always complain that I am tired, fig bars, living things I have NO BUSINESS being RESPONSIBLE for, etc.

-A favourite sub-category is the "Well. I'm sure glad you can AFFORD [insert any number of things here]."

-I do admit that generally her lectures are accurate AND that lectures are a mom's duty...


And Finally,
here is the baffling one...

Category #3: The I'm Too Busy call

-I will call Sal and leave a message.

-Regardless of whether I request a return call:

-She will call back to tell me she is driving/scandalously busy/about to greet guests at the front door at that very instant, so she CAN'T TALK.

-????

E.g. yesterday, when I called to ask for advice about my stomach which has been hurting for a while. I left a message. I got a return call about a half hour later...

Sal: I can't talk but is your stomach still hurting?
Me: Yes.
Sal: Get some tums.
Me: I have tums. I was hoping you'd have recommendations for natural remedies like usual?
Sal: Go to Whole Foods and ask them. I am driving to Nancy Reed's so I can't talk.
Me: O.k. well --
Sal: Shoot! I think I just passed her driveway. Now I have to turn around! I have to drive now Courtenay. Bye. Love you.