That was fun!

Greg and I got home from to Incline Village last night, after a full day of travel. Southwest Airlines is sneaky with their "non-stop" flights, which would more accurately be called "several stops but you can't get off the plane so bring 2 days' worth of water and snacks and entertainment!" Thankfully we had plenty of snacks and entertainment so the 9 hours flew by. Literally.

Also, for those of you who are wondering about my new bike case, I successfully avoided the bike fee on the way home. After a bad lying attempt on the outbound flight ("um, it's equipment?") that didn't work well at all, for the return flight I brushed up my lying skills and kept my $50 thank you very much.

I will be needing that $50 because my mom and I broke my iPod shuffle this weekend... It had a very short 4 month life! First I put it through the washing machine by accident, then my mom put it in the toaster oven to "dry off" and it exploded! Now the debate is whether I should replace it with another shuffle or with a proper real-deal iPod that can hold my 40+ gigs of music and playlists. I am leaning towards the latter, I don't work out much with music anyway and that's the true purpose of the shuffle.

Speaking of my mom Sal and silly things, on Sunday, my aunt Glenn came over for dinner with me and my mom and Greg. It was tons of fun, in part because she brought over a photo album from the mid-1950's that had lots of photos of my mom, my grandparents, and my mom's six siblings in various stages of coolness and ragamuffin-ness. I look a lot like my mom but so does my sister. Also we had some wine with dinner. As Glenn was leaving with the album:

Glenn: Well, I'm glad [the album] was what it was...
Sal (interrupting): It is what it is...
Me and Greg: AHAHAHAHA

The two sisters, using basically the same meaningless catch phrase that topped the San Francisco Chronicle's list of dumbest phrases of 2007.

I am heading back home in 2 1/2 weeks for the family reunion. I am looking forward to it! Maybe I will get on a horse I hope.

My Mom and Her Tractor

I was laughing way too hard when I took this. It's a bit blurry because she was mowing really fast, like 20 mph. But then I felt bad for laughing, so I went out and picked up sticks that were in the way.

It's Me or the Horse

Now we all know I love ponies. And horses. But when my mom says "I don't know if I can watch your race on Sunday because Sarabi is competing that day," I temporarily don't love them. (Sarabi is her horse).

Are you kidding me?!?!?!

She wasn't kidding me.

Nevermind the fact that I am her first-born daughter. Nevermind the fact that this is the only race I am doing all year that my mom can attend. Nevermind the fact that is the reason I have been planning to do the race for the last 6 months. Nevermind the fact that even though it's going to be a great race, there were definitely plenty of events much closer to Lake Tahoe than Columbia, Maryland that I could have chosen for this weekend. Nevermind the fact that she can cheer for me but you are not supposed to cheer during dressage. Nevermind the fact that Sal goes to see Sarabi all the time!

GROAN!! I can't believe this is even an ISSUE or a QUESTION! I am the OBVIOUS CHOICE here!!

After I questioned my mom's rationale about this, she pulled a typical let's-overcommit-myself-even-more maneuver and "maybe" she'll "come watch me start the race" and then hightail it 75 miles down the road to Fair Hill. If that's my only option though, I'll just tell her to go play with her pony. Having her there staring at her watch waiting to leave after seeing me leap into the water like an overstuffed whale isn't my idea of quality time with my mom OR of fun stress-free racing. Or of her watching me race for that matter.

I'll let you all know how it goes of course.

Some Observations

I have become one of those people with an obnoxious Starbucks order. Grande Soy Chai Latte with Three Pumps Chai and One Shot Espresso.

Yikes.

One problem with this perfect little concoction is that it's too freaking expensive for me to ever leave a tip for the poor folks who have to make it. I should switch back to a plain old soy latte and get back under the $4 mark, but it's not as good. Really I should stop drinking soy and stop indirectly supporting the destruction of the rainforests to make room for soybean fields and switch back to cow's milk, but there's another host of problems there. Maybe rice milk?


Separate observation: this past Saturday night, the night before my big almost-win, I spent like an hour trying to get these fancy elastic laces set up on my new racing shoes. It's an unnecessarily complex process, made more challenging by the fact that the promised "instructions inside the box" were not there. Yes this brand sports the magical Macca endorsement, but in my opinion the system is whack. I am going to take all the plasticky bits off and just tie the laces with a nice normal secure bow.


Another one: I am sitting here debating whether to register for a few races. I hate planning way far in advance, I like allowing for contingencies and these hefty non-refundable race entry fees definitely make me balk, but it would be even worse to miss out on racing entirely. I guess I'll just suck it up - BAM and Pacific Crest are the current races in question.


Lastly: I got a funny email from my Mom. She wanted to know how to type a parenthesis into a text message.

For those of you who enjoy the Adventures of Sal (my mom)

I talked to my mom this morning. She sounded somewhat hurried and mildly harried. I asked why.

Well, Charles Tasker decided to show up to work today even though I didn't ask him to so now I am standing here getting ready to take him his lunch I made him and trying to figure out what I am going to ask him to do, because there is tons to do around here but I can't for the life of me remember what's the most urgent, and I better go because he's just standing out there and I'm paying him to do it. I guess I'll tell him to go till space in the garden for a new asparagus patch.

I wish she'd bring me lunch. I am sitting here with rice cakes and baby carrots and gum, which makes it sound like I am dieting but the truth is that after 4 years at a company where lunch got delivered every day, I am now floundering out here on my own in the real world.

#500!

This is the 500th post I have written since I started this blog in May of 2006... Since today can be summarized in just a few words (overslept, it's snowing, s'posed to snow more, kitty says hi), today's post will instead be a little Courtenay's Blog Recap for those of you who weren't here from the beginning (which is probably everyone except my mom... took me a while to start posting daily with gory details all about my fascinating life!)

-I got engaged. (warning: from a gossip standpoint, it's all downhill from here...)

-I got famous.

-I stopped being engaged.

-I started documenting conversations with Mom. (see more here)

-I made a threat - little did I know it would actually happen!!

-I rode the crap out of my bike.

-I started teasing Huntress. Still haven't stopped... sorry Lisa you know I love you!

-I raced.

-Shaz and I picked the wroooong place to stop.

-ImetGregweemailedhemovedin!! (it happened so fast I didn't even get a chance to blog about it!)

-I got to hang out with the coolest massage therapist ever.

-I teased some more.

-I met Katie!

-I proved that girls love goggles.

-We moved.

-I won a triathlon!?!?

-I made tons of cool new friends (see links to the left I mean right!)


and the rest is pretty recent history...

Sal's Own Post

As I mentioned yesterday, my mom is usually worthy of a whole post all to herself. Although this time she sort of has to share with my little sister, who informed me:

ALSO, sal wrote me an email that ended with "love from yo' mama"

WHAT IS GOING ON IN THE WORLD?

Then we laughed about the time 5 years ago when we tried to teach Sal and our aunt Betsy some parlance of our times... for weeks, they peppered their speech with "peace" and "word" cutely but ineffectively.


Actually I am now recalling that Sal used the word "dis" in our conversation yesterday. "I don't mean to dis him, but blah blah blah". Insert reference to old dogs and new tricks here ;) (my mom is actually pretty smart)

False Alarm

I am on Facebook, so is my sister. Last night I was informed that another family member had joined...

"Sally Rohrbach has added you a friend on Facebook!" says my email. Sally Rohrbach is my mom, the one who freaks out when my brother adjusts a desktop setting on her computer and the one who checked out ebay for the first time this Christmas and the one who calls herself a technotard. So I accept the friendship and then write something on her wall and tell my whole team how cool and clever (and slightly alarming) my mom is. And I told Huntress too, she totally wants to be facebook friends with Sal!

Wow, go Sal!

Then today I get two emails from her.

Subject line #1: yikes!!!!!
Highlights from email #1:

"This facebook thing may be the straw that breaks my sanity's back. Wow. I thought that putting my info on the page presented to me by Hope would allow me to see her page - she wrote asking that I look at it... I don't know what facebook is and don't really care. I wish I could unsubscribe and remove my name, but I'm afraid to do anything. Any ideas? And what's scrabulous."

Followed quickly by:

Subject line #2: ???
Email #2:

"What does a "message on my wall" mean?"

Poor Sal!

We have a phone date to sort it out tomorrow.

Camp!

I am at training camp, after what felt like the world's longest two days at the end of the world's longest week. I can't believe that the Super Bowl was 8 days ago, or that Super Tuesday was six days ago.

Pics tomorrow of the sweetest pad in all of Healdsburg and wine country, and pics of the 11 cutest blue-spandex clad butts! But first, my favourite quotes of the trip thus far:


During Sunday Night Out In The City With Good Friends:

Steve: ... so anyway my roommate is totally fucking nuts. He fucking calls the five hot nursing students who live upstairs to bitch when they play their stereo in the kitchen or when the girl who's right above him moves her chair, so now I can't even talk to them because they hate us, I mean I can't talk to five hot chicks because my roommate is crazy?! Anyway the other day I got the phone hooked up so I could get internet and there hasn't been a phone in our place for five years and it rings and he flips out because he thinks it's his dead mom calling!

Maisie: So what you're saying is he has auditory hallucinations?

(she's in grad school to become a counselor)

--------------------

Today on the phone I asked my mom for one of my sisters' email addresses. This particular sister has been somewhat estranged for several years. And I have had lots of good positive conversations with my mom recently so I was statistically bound to have a dud at some point.

Sal: WHY?
Me: Well I was going to see if she wanted to do a half-marathon together.
Sal: - and by the way I am at the BARN right now so I am busy and I CAN'T SEND it to you NOW.
Me: Well I'm in the car so I don't even need it right now.
Sal: - and just so you know, she has been running races for YEARS so she is probably really good and you CAN'T EXPECT to be able to KEEP UP.
Me: Uh, thanks for the vote of confidence. I checked out her times on line and I think we are compatible. Can you just send me her email.
Sal: I'M AT THE BARN for another TWENTY MINUTES so blah blah blah.

-------------------------

So I hung up and called my younger sister Sarah (Scare), wherein I learned:

- she's the current freshman girl wingman-of-choice at Dartmouth, despite the apparent fact that her ugly t-shirts worn in attempts not to outshine the friends with specific boys on the brain seem to actually attract more boys than the outfits of the friends who are actually supposed to do the attracting. Or something. Scare has a whole theory about this but I have the attention span of a warthog these days so I can't remember the theory or the outcome (aside from the fact that Scare doesn't have a bf)

- she's the only girl on the sports staff of the school newspaper, she covers squash, and when the head sports editor was like "the only reason girls want to be on sports staff is so they can get in the jocks' pants," she was like "yeah well if that were the case I sure wouldn't be covering SQUASH so lay off" then one of the senior editors who happens to be a girl told Scare that she had her back.

- Dartmouth freshmen tend to party on Mondays, Wednesdays, Fridays, and Saturdays. Tuesdays and Thursdays are out for certain people because certain people have 10 a.m. classes on Wednesdays and Fridays and certain people find it hard to focus at that hour after quote-unquote partying.

---------------------

I spent $40 on parking in the city this morning so that a. I could swim for an hour and b. I could drop $1500 at the dentist's office.



O.K. I'ma go do some gossiping!!

Bananas - Interesting.

This was the subject line of an email I got from my mom this morning, which like most things my mom says and does, cracked me up. The email was a forward all about how bananas are great, which I already knew, but still: Ha! Bananas - Interesting.

Other news:

- Baby Thor is a bit sick. She caught a cold on the way home from Reno (i.e. she has 'ich'), I have not had to deal with a sick fish yet so I freaked out but when I talked to the fish store they said to put in 1 tbsp of salt per 10 gallons of water, and to jack the heater up to 86 degrees and it should go away in 5-7 days. The good news is she has a healthy appetite, and Sweetie and Pipsqueak are very healthy and happy looking.

- This Sunday and Monday, en route to my super awesome VAC training camp, to which I have been looking forward since like AUGUST, I will be stopping by the city to chill with friends, get my old dentist to make me a crown, and go SHOPPING! On a budget of approx. $10 of course, but that will definitely get me some cool paper at Flax and maybe some new shoelaces at Sports Basement and hopefully also a new nail polish to bring to camp. Woohoo party time for Court!

- The sun finally came out here! Temps are in the 40's for the first time since December, and I'm loving it. I still haven't ventured outside for any workouts, the roads are wet from all the snow melting and it's a rest week so I am O.K. with doing 1 hour rides and 30 minute runs indoors, and catching up on my Animal Planet. Polar bears - interesting.

- Tomorrow I am going to the car wash to make my bike sparkly.

And that's about it.

Making Fun of Ma Again

I know, I know, you're probably thinking my poor long-suffering mom has had enough... but actually looking back over the past few months, I have gone pretty easy on her, so I don't feel bad about making blatant huge fun about her silly notes she posts all over the place. (Plus I gave her great Christmas presents.) The notes are probably there because my mom always has houseguests, kids, tenants, and random friends in and out of the house all the time. Her sister says "Sal collects people", which is pretty true.

Anyhow, apparently everyone who does laundry at her house is a bit retarded:


Including my mom a little bit. It's totally not summertime. Also in this last one, we see my mom's continued use of the letter 'x' in ways that disturb her children.

Then she also has this coffee pot that is finicky.
Although, SHE was the one who made the coffee on Christmas morning, and despite her own note she didn't turn the handle and coffee and grounds got all over the kitchen! She got a late-Christmas present the next day: a new coffee pot (curious to see if that one gets a note on it in Sharpie, "PLEASE only make DECAF as it's BETTER for you" or something)

Also the toilet upstairs has its own little note:
It seems that the "smiley face" is taking over from the "ThanX" as my mom's this-is-just-a-sweet-little-lighthearted-reminder!-indicator.

Finally, I think that this note-ness is genetic. My sister has started leaving them, too:

I guess Greg's lucky we don't have pads of paper and scotch tape laying around!

Mom vs. Ebay... Battle # 1

It's Christmas season, actually it's been Christmas season now for months thanks to this whole oh-my-god-consumers-aren't-buying-enough-crap freakout, and according to my mom Christmas season starts in early summer, when she starts calling and asking "Have you bought your AIRLINE TICKETS for CHRISTMAS YET?!?! You'd better hurry, good seats don't last FOREVER you know!"

Then we move on to the five million scheduling calls, wherein she asks each of her children what we want to do or something. Multiple times. Honestly I lose track of what she's asking and what we are all answering. I think that's actually why we have so many of the same conversations - all of us, including my mom, are like "so what? It's Christmas! We all have fun together anyway so who cares what the plan is?"

Next come her presents questions. Should we even give presents or just enjoy each other's presence? To which the answer is always "it's a whole lot funner to enjoy each other's presence when presents are involved." Should we do dollar limits? Should everyone get everyone else something or everyone gets one present? What does everybody even WANT?! Etc.

So I sent my mom an email saying I would enjoy socks, an orange iPod shuffle, and maybe a pony please.

Ensuing emails:

Sal: what is an ipod shuffle? :-)

Me: this is a shuffle: http://www.apple.com/ipodshuffle/

Sal: So, I went to eBay for the first time in my life and looked at iPod
Shuffles - orange, new, and of course got really confused. I can't
figure out why the top of the list is $61.00, has 21 bids on it while
further down there is one priced at $9.99 with one bid one it. HELP!

This is quite probably my favourite email I have gotten from her. How cute! My mom ventured onto EBAY for ME!! She must love me.

I'm Back!

Yay we have internet now! I am so excited! Now I get to spend the day "researching diesel engines", "catching up on correspondence", "perusing job classifieds", "etc." (meaning: I get to spend the day shopping on line, facebooking people, looking at a week's worth of cats that I missed, blogging, and generally being sedentarily productive.)

Anyhow, I guess task numero primo is to drag this blog out of the boring ages.


STORIES:

1. I got a suspicious email from my mom, Sal, wherein she used the phrases "Howzit going?" and "Thanx!". Hmm. Who stole my grammar policemom and replaced her with a tweenager?

2. The recreation center here (which is actually the gym, pool, etc.) is HILARIOUS. For one thing, there are signs all over the women's locker room about current and upcoming group-fitness classes. My favourite is "Walk the Gym!" - apparently if you walk around the basketball courts 22 times you've gone a mile, and people get together from 6-8 am and keep track of their walking miles.

2.b. My favourite pool quote thus far, spoken by the local I.V. Ice Queen from the 90's (if you don't get it ask Martina): "This suit is just awful. It adds at least 5 seconds' worth of drag." My resident swim-expert tells me that you'd have to put a bucket on your back to get 5 seconds' worth of drag.

3. Greg and I have rekindled our love of solitaire. Yes, the card game. So far we have won at least 6 games.

Speaking of which... it's my turn to play.

More Motherly Snippets

"It would be CRUELTY to ANIMALS if you and Greg were to get a PET."

***********************

"Can I call you back sweetie?! I am busy fixing your brother's computer!"
To which I laughed.
Not very nice, I know, but my siblings laughed just as much.

**********************

As if to prove my point, when she called me back:

"Can you call your aunt and tell her I accidentally deleted the email she sent me, so can she please re-send it? I am too busy to call her myself."

Then I asked why she didn't just go to her trash folder and move the email back to her inbox.

"Oh," she said. "That's an idea. How do I do that?"

She's Learning

(on phone with my mom, Sal)

Us: blah blah blah blah blah

Me: O.K., Ma, I better let you go. Love you!

Sal: O.K.
.........
.....Later!

Me: Hmm. Was that you saying bye, or were you employing 'later' in a formal adverb sort of way?

Sal: I was saying bye!


Good job, Sal, good job. Your kids are proud of you.

Drinkin' and Dialin'

This incident occurred last week, and I would have blogged about it earlier but it has taken several days of intense research for me to even figure out what was going on.

It was one of my mom's famous Friday Nights (see Category #1).

The partyers called me at 12:36 a.m., twice, but I didn't answer either time and actually didn't get the messages until the clear light of Saturday.

The first message was unintelligible.

Then there was the second... "Courtenay! Hey! I'm glad we got you!-pause- Oh. I guess this is just your message. O.k., long story short, blah blah blah..." And it went on for a while. I finally deduced (and confirmed) that it was friend Adam calling to tell me that Sarah (my sister) and Sam (Adam's wife) were teasing him for channeling In Living Color and they were calling him Shaniqua all evening and my mom, the pop-culture moron (sorry Sal but it's so true), was reliably spectacularly clueless.

I guess about an hour or two into the Shaniqua shenanigans, my mom (who mind you had been LAUGHING and pretending to get the jokes) was finally like "Who is this Shanik person you guys keep talking about? Shanik was this, Shanik was that, but who's Shanik?"

This prompted gales of laughter and several phone calls to sober sleeping me.

Amusing side note: when I went back and listened to the message an additional 5 times to piece Adam's version of the story together, I noticed that my only other saved message is one from my brother, which he left at some ungodly hour last January, and which I can't bring myself to delete.

"Courtenay! I'm pressing Five! Because I am trying to Page You! But. I guess I should just leave a message. I'm in LA and in case you hadn't noticed I'm a little bit wasted. O.K. love ya bye!"


So bring on the drink-and-dials, they are hilarious!

Ma's Phone Calls: A Categorical Guide

Category #1: The "Hi Sweetie!!!!"

-Mostly attributable to phone calls on Friday evenings, when Sal tends have friends over and wine is consumed.

-Generally means that whatever topic I bring up is met with resounding approval.

-Thus is good for breaking news, e.g. "I have a new boyfriend! He is moving in! Yes into my same little apartment! It's going to be great!" (side note: I was/am right about that)

Category #2: The Lecture

-Typically these calls do NOT start with an enthusiastic "hi sweetie"

-Topics include: thank you notes I haven't written, cousin's new baby I haven't visited, other cousin who I should be nicer to, sister who I should be nicer to even though she is a little brat, races and training I shouldn't do since I always complain that I am tired, fig bars, living things I have NO BUSINESS being RESPONSIBLE for, etc.

-A favourite sub-category is the "Well. I'm sure glad you can AFFORD [insert any number of things here]."

-I do admit that generally her lectures are accurate AND that lectures are a mom's duty...


And Finally,
here is the baffling one...

Category #3: The I'm Too Busy call

-I will call Sal and leave a message.

-Regardless of whether I request a return call:

-She will call back to tell me she is driving/scandalously busy/about to greet guests at the front door at that very instant, so she CAN'T TALK.

-????

E.g. yesterday, when I called to ask for advice about my stomach which has been hurting for a while. I left a message. I got a return call about a half hour later...

Sal: I can't talk but is your stomach still hurting?
Me: Yes.
Sal: Get some tums.
Me: I have tums. I was hoping you'd have recommendations for natural remedies like usual?
Sal: Go to Whole Foods and ask them. I am driving to Nancy Reed's so I can't talk.
Me: O.k. well --
Sal: Shoot! I think I just passed her driveway. Now I have to turn around! I have to drive now Courtenay. Bye. Love you.

Vacation Time

I am off to Telluride tomorrow for a long weekend.

Technically since this is a Work function, it is a taboo blog topic, but I will try to sneak in some harmless photos and stories that of course have no mention or inclusion of my top-secret co-workers.

Or I could fill the blog time with other fascinating topics, such as:

1. Detailed progression of my training... e.g. took BART to Orinda yesterday and did intervals on my TT bike on San Pablo Dam Road and then I rode home on Wildcat but I am pretty certain that next time I will drive to the other side of the hills rather than BART because blah blah blah... Boring.

2. Detailed details of various bodily ailments... e.g. my neck still hurts from crashing two weeks ago, I still have a lump on my inner right thigh from the mysterious insect bite I got at NVGP, I have these ridges on both thumb nails, and I keep having nightmares that my teeth are falling out... but this might be a little too revealing of my psychoses and inanities.

3. I could call my mom and post transcripts of our conversations. E.g.:

Me: Hi Ma.
Sal: Hi Sweetie!!!
Me: I want to adopt a kitty.
Sal: No! I forbid you!
Me: Why? You live 3000 miles away.
Sal: You have NO BUSINESS being responsible for ANY LIVING THING. Your life is TOO SELF CENTERED. It would be UN FAIR to the KITTY.

We have had this conversation a ton of times. You can also replace "kitty" with "puppy", "bunny", "snake", "tree", and "goldfish", and the rest of the conversation will remain the same.

4. I could opine about the state of bike racing and dopers. NO THANKS I am sick of this topic.



#3 is thus far looking pretty good...

Conversation with Mom #8

I have been so busy lately doing really important things the details of which I forget that I have kind of slacked on calling my mom. Last week I get this email from her, and mind you she is not usually the most openly affectionate-towards-her-kids person ever (examples), anyway she writes me this email filling me in on the latest news and at the end she says "I miss talking to you."

Oops. I am a terrible daughter. But I am working on making up for it thanks to Cingular.


Sal: ...and we have a new cat!

Me: Another one? Where did you get it?

Sal: WELL, it showed up in Maggie's front yard last week and she called me saying could I take it since she couldn't keep it because her cat would kill it, and I said why didn't she take it to the SPCA, and she said oh no it's so cute and precious she just couldn't do that and wouldn't I please take it, and I said I would only take it if it was gray and a girl, and damned if the thing isn't a gray girl kitty. So now she's mine.

Me: Well what's her name?

Sal: We haven't named her yet. I am taking suggestions.

Me: What are you up to in Spanish numbers? (side note: there are a bunch of cats on my mom's property, when the 7th showed up she decided she'd run out of names and she called that one Siete, then Ocho arrived...)

Sal: Nueve. This one is the 9th. But your sister said I can't call it Nueve, and she said if I do she's going to move out, so I can't call it Nueve.

Me:...

Sal: Maybe I will call it Nueve.

Sympathy from Mom #2

So I called my mom a couple hours ago to tell her I was sick and ask her what to do, she wasn't there so I left a message.

She called me back. And by the way, if you are ever sick or upset or anything and need some good motherly ears and advice, you should definitely call my mom. I know this from lots of past experience.


Sal: Hi Sweetie. You are sick? What happened?

Me: About a half hour after dinner last night my stomach started really hurting and it hadn't gone away this morning but I went to work anyway and then I threw up so then I came home and have been laying around all day. What should I do?

Sal: Well I can't really talk right now because I am driving to Mousie's but it sounds like you have the flu. Go buy Coke and Ginger Ale.

Me: O.K. You don't think it's food poisoning?

Sal: NO, it sounds like the FLU and you probably have a TEMPERATURE! I'd love to talk to you about this but I CAN'T DRIVE and TALK at the SAME TIME!! And-

Me: Well then why'd you call me?

Sal: -and I could KILL someone! This is how ACCIDENTS happen! AND WHATEVER YOU DO, DON'T go out and ride your BIKE for ten miles!

etc. etc. I actually held the phone away from my ear. It took a lot of energy, since I am sick and everything, but I managed, for the good of my blood pressure and overall health soon to be regained I hope...

Me: O.K. o.k. I will let you go. Bye...

Sal: Good. Love you.


Sheesh. But I did just walk down to the corner Valero station to stock up on Gatorade and Vitamin Water. My tongue is already purple!