#500!

This is the 500th post I have written since I started this blog in May of 2006... Since today can be summarized in just a few words (overslept, it's snowing, s'posed to snow more, kitty says hi), today's post will instead be a little Courtenay's Blog Recap for those of you who weren't here from the beginning (which is probably everyone except my mom... took me a while to start posting daily with gory details all about my fascinating life!)

-I got engaged. (warning: from a gossip standpoint, it's all downhill from here...)

-I got famous.

-I stopped being engaged.

-I started documenting conversations with Mom. (see more here)

-I made a threat - little did I know it would actually happen!!

-I rode the crap out of my bike.

-I started teasing Huntress. Still haven't stopped... sorry Lisa you know I love you!

-I raced.

-Shaz and I picked the wroooong place to stop.

-ImetGregweemailedhemovedin!! (it happened so fast I didn't even get a chance to blog about it!)

-I got to hang out with the coolest massage therapist ever.

-I teased some more.

-I met Katie!

-I proved that girls love goggles.

-We moved.

-I won a triathlon!?!?

-I made tons of cool new friends (see links to the left I mean right!)


and the rest is pretty recent history...

Another Joke by JD

Apparently I have the honor of "best reaction to this joke ever." I love being a superlative.

JD: You want to hear a dirty joke?
Me: Not really but O.K.
JD: So this white horse jumps into a mud puddle.
Me: Ooo a horse! I like this one!
ttttThen what happens?
JD: That's it. That's the joke.
Me: OOHHH. The white horse gets dirty! I get it! That's awesome!

He Got A Word In Edgewise

A few words actually... I went to JD's for my weekly massage last night, although we pretty quickly determined that this was the most systemically messed up my body has been so I'd better get another massage on Friday. And I was there for an hour and a half last night.

During this time, in the few moments when I was NOT yammering away about me and my life and all my many opinions about stuff, including what JD should do in his life, I learned that:

-going on a month-long vacation could mean that all his clients would get so messed up from lack of massage during that time that they would all need multiple massages a week for the first few weeks he is back, to catch up.

-however all his massage clients seemed to have been fine, with the notable exceptions of me and Greg.

-his cats like me now because I own dinner, NOT because I have pets and thus am a nice empathetic person for cats.

-there were some really funny local-pro-1-2-men's-race incidents at, amongst others, Cat's Hill, Santa Rosa, and Fremont, involving a pro dude who wears red and has an affinity for manpri's and whining.

-if JD were the type of guy to pick a guy that he wouldn't mind dating, it wouldn't be Karl Menzies. He actually went with Brad Pitt. BORING.

-since my knee is bothering me a bit due to everything else bothering me, I should use a pillow under my legs when I sleep, he explained this for a good 5 minutes and I didn't quite get it and made him explain again.

-this is how it goes: sleep on back = pillow under knees; sleep on side = pillow between legs; sleep on stomach = pillow under ankles; keep talking = pillow on face.

More Wisdom

Yesterday I went to the Chiropractor AND I went to get a massage. Poor Me for sure.

Warning: ringing product/service endorsement and gratuitous caps-lock ensue:

And by the way if anyone needs a good chiropractor, Chappy Wood is excellent, AND he is a cyclist so not only do you get good adjustments and therapies, but you also get to talk bike parts and rehash the latest bike-world goings-on, PLUS as if that weren't enough, they have Cycle Sport Magazine in the waiting room!!

I would like to further ringingly endorse JD, who is an excellent Massage Therapist AND excellent entertainer (see previous posts with his jokes et c., sorry to laze-out on you and not hyperlink but if you look in quotables you'll find them).


For recent example:


Me: So JD, if I were a guy, would you massage my chestal area differently-slash-more?
JD: No. I mostly massage the attachments in the chest. It doesn't make a difference if you are a boy or a girl for those.
Me: So boobs don't get in the way?
JD: No.
Me: Oh.
JD: Really I am just not into touching dudes' nipples.
I laugh for a long time
JD: It's not that funny!

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For another example:

JD: blah blah blah trip to Maui blah blah my friend's wedding blah blah and I am going to be his best man.
Me: Cool. What's his fiance like?
JD: He's kind of, well, difficult.
Me: He? Wait are they gay?
JD: Yeah. It's technically a commitment ceremony, not a wedding.
Me: Nice. Tell me more.
JD: He wants to wear this white linen pantsuit thing.
Me: Ha. What are YOU wearing?!
JD: Um. They got us these Hawaiian shirts. Not the best look for me.
Me: What about pants? Are you wearing pants?
JD: We don't know yet. There are only two guys in the actual wedding.
Me: Oh.
JD: But guess how many chicks? FOURTEEN! They each have 7 in their, you know, bridal party!

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And he is also good at putting me in my place:

Me: I started swimming!
JD: Oh really.
Me: I am a natural!
JD: Yeah you definitely have natural buoyancy here. I bet that helps a lot. (snicker snicker).


The bummer is that JD is off to Superweek and then Maui (see above) so I will have to call a back-up massage therapist. Anyway wish JD luck - if you are going to be there too, it's JD Bergman, and he wears this baby blue kit (team is called Squadra)(I give permission to tease him) and he will be in the P/1-2 races!

JD once again informs me that I am silly

Me: My ride went O.K. I think I overheated.
JD: How come?
Me: Well, I was wearing an undershirt so I wouldn't feel obligated to bring a vest, and I was wearing arm warmers so I don't get a cycling tan, but it was like 90 degrees in Castro Valley when I got there.
JD: Arm warmers? Are you retarded? Why not just wear sunscreen?
Me: I had 45 on under the warmers but you still get a tan with that.
JD: -stupefied pause-
JD: Courtenay, you are a cyclist! You're going to have tan lines! Just embrace it!
Me: Easy for you to say, you don't have summertime tank tops and sundresses looming over your head.
JD: Ridiculous. You are ridiculous.


***************

Speaking of Silly, here is JD's marginally funny joke of the week:

JD: Knock knock.
Me: Who's there?
JD: Control freak. O.K. now you say "control freak who?" and then I say...

And that's it. Although I will admit that I did laugh.

Quotes of the Week

Whilst at massage:

Me: How was your weekend?
JD: Good. Busy. We spent Sunday running all around doing family stuff all freakin' day, hanging out with my mom, taking her out to eat, that kind of thing.
Me: Whoa, that's really nice of you, was it her birthday or something?
JD: No, genius. It was Mother's Day.
Me: Oh, right...

**************

How I got suckered into "planning" what turned out to be a really fun party (may post the PG-rated photos...):

Me: So I haven't gotten an invitation to your birthday party yet?
Devon: I'm not having one.
Me: Why not?!
Devon: Well, the Sharps don't want to host it, and I don't want to call people and organize it myself. I mean, it's pretty lame to plan your own birthday party right? So I'll just, I don't know, watch a movie or something.

**************

Whilst at Devon's birthday party, after I explained that I had duct tape on my feet because of a running blister (not a fashion faux pas, not to worry, my shoes covered it, it was just a little piece):

Devon: Court, I don't know why you are (bleep)ing with that (bleep). Running is (bleep).
Pat: I think it's tight. I'm going to do the same thing. I am going to start running when I retire from racing too.
Devon: Dude, she's not retired.
Pat: Right, I am just saying, it's a good idea, running is sick, when I retire I am going to run too.
Devon: Dude, she's not retired.
Kate: Maybe if you don't say "too" it will work.
Pat: O.K. When I retire, I am going to start running. Right, that's what I meant.

Additions to the File

A while ago I blogged about how I say really dumb things during my massage appointments. JD likes referring to the Don't Listen To What Courtenay Says file (and btw I have long since earned the Most Talkative Massage Client designation). But it's not my fault that I say dumb things, he turns me into Squirmy McWorm on the massage table and it's just so hard to talk sensibly when I'm being treated like a stress reliever ball.

Anyhow tonight for some reason I was on a roll and now I feel like sharing.

*********************

Me: Yeah, my legs hurt today, but I guess I am not surprised because a. I was traveling for forever yesterday, b. I went for a run instead of taking a nap, and c. um, well, both of those things.

*********************

Me:... so then the guy that fixed my bike was cheering for me at the race! I made friends! Can you believe it?!

JD: Yes. You'll talk to ANYbody.

Me: Well fine then. I am not talking to you.

-5 second pause-

Me: Oh my god I remember the rest of the story now! So...

JD: Not talking to me, huh?

*********************

Me: AND, I even cleaned out my fridge!

JD: What about the freezer?

Me: No, I didn't clean that, there's nothing really in there.

JD: Did you defrost it then?

Me: No. There is too much crap in there to defrost it.

Me: OW!

What am I saying?!

I got a massage last night. It was awesome, JD is very good at coaxing out whatever knots I have given myself.

But for some reason, I say the stupidest things when I am on his massage table...

Here is a sampling from last night's session:


Me: How are your kitties?

JD: They're good.

Me: And Jamiel, how is that kitty? (Explanatory Side Note: The cat's name is actually Unit, which is one of our mutual-friend-and-fellow-bike-racer Jamiel Danesh's old nicknames, so I call it Jamiel even though that's not its name)

JD: Jamiel's good. Still sucking his own nipple.

Me: What?! Jamiel Danesh sucks his own nipple?!

JD: No, the cat. You asked about the cat remember? It was taken away from its mom too soon so it still wants to nurse.

Me: Oh. I thought this was some new insult that the kids are using these days and that we were applying it to Jamiel the Person or something.

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JD: It's my iPod. Sue doesn't have an iPod, she doesn't listen to music.

Me: What?! She doesn't listen to music?! I have to listen to music all the time! Except when I'm at work of course. I can't listen to music there. So instead I look at my iTunes and pick a song to get stuck in my head and I sing that one in my head for a while and then when I get tired of it I go pick another one.

JD: You're so weird.

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JD: Yeah, we are just a couple blocks from Solano Ave. so it's easy to go grab dinner.

Me: Lucky! There is, like, NOTHing good near my house. I have to drive all the way to Rockridge. Oh. Wait. I take that back. Piedmont Ave. is like 4 blocks away. Nevermind, there is good stuff near my house.

JD: Another addition to the don't-listen-to-things-Courtenay-says file...